Creativity

The funny thing about irony is that it strikes when you least expect it. Like, for instance, if one were to title something "creativity" and then stare at a blank page for several minutes, not thinking of a single thing to write. Another example of irony is if you have a housewife who's husband needs his nice pants washed so she puts them through the laundry then makes sure all the wrinkles are gone so he looks good for his promotion. But what she doesn't know is that he wants to look handsome for his mistress, who is the wife's best friend. That kind of a situation involves both ironing and irony, at the same time. If that really happened though it would be sad.

Gangsta...

It's hard out here for a pimp. At least I imagine it is. I'm not a pimp myself but sometimes I pretend I am and I have to compete against all the other pimps and make sure the cops don't catch me. If it's tough just imagining you're a pimp, I bet the real thing is killer. Sometimes literally.

I'm about to share one of my personal secrets so don't laugh please. Or at least laugh quietly to yourself instead of out loud so that other people run over to the computer to see what's so funny and you have to tell them what I said then they laugh too. Don't do that. My secret dream is to someday run away to the streets of LA and start my own gang. Not in one of those run down neighborhoods where most gangs are. Those neighborhoods are dirty and dangerous. My gang would operate out of a rich, expensive looking park in the middle of a nice neighborhood. We wouldn't be a mean gang either, we would be nice people who often baked for the neighbors. We would also treat women with respect instead of leering at them all the time. We would let people join, but only if they were rich and dressed well. I think I would like a very exclusive gang that caters to people of privilege. I would hire servants to do things for the members of my gang, like get them towels and drinks and clean up after them. There would also be no violence, only lots of relaxing things like pools and golf.

I think what I'm describing may be a country club, but to say I want to be the owner of a country club sounds pretentious and wussy. Calling it "an exclusive gang based on making the rich richer and keeping the poor oppressed in an effort to segregate ourselves from society" sounds just as pretentious, but a lot more fun.

Blogzored!

I've become aware that I'm the only person on Earth who actually posts in this blog. Several people have the ability to, but they just don't. Ever. I guess they have nothing to say. Not like me. I always have something random or stupid to talk about. After all, weren't blogs invented so that people could post random crap on the internet? What other use is there? Maybe it can be used as a personal journal, but I don't think that's a good idea. I cannot stress this enough - the internet is not a good place to post personal thoughts and feelings. Especially if they are personal thoughts and feelings could cause drama if certain people read them. For example, teenage girls.

Teenage girls like to post about boys they like and about all the drama that goes with being a teenage girl. Since boys and drama are the only things that make up a teenage girls' life, their blogs are usually unbearably boring and long. They think that everyone wants to read about their heartache over the boy who they liked for a day before he talked once with their best friend, ending any chance at happiness or relationships between any of the parties involved. Life is pure cruelty. Rather than having a sit-down with their remaining girlfriends, they run home as fast as they can after school to post about it. What ensues is a radical exchange of witless banter that can only be described as "stupid." Schoolmates will hear a rumor at school, then check the blogging circuit ASAP to get the low-down on what the haps is. Then sides start getting taken, more friendships end, and at the end of the day the mother (who is surprisingly internet coherent) who asks the daughter how the situation is going gets yelled at because apparently posting on a blog means that you own that part of the internet and people aren't allowed to read it unless they have express written permission.

Needless to say, teenage girls are really dumb. And despite that fact that they make up a large part of the blogging community, they don't offer anything to that community other than a huge waste of time. Which is slightly less than what they offer to real communities. Because in real communities, they are free labor.

New Years Resolutions: All Good Ones Take This Long To Think Of

Since I forgot all about the new year until just now, I think it's still appropriate to put some resolutions up. These are not just for me, but for anyone who reads anything on the internet from now to eternity. They are in no particular order. Well, I guess it's fair to say that they are in the order I wrote them, which is the order I thought of them in.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS:

1. I will stop obnoxiously walking nowhere very slowly. If I do not know where I'm going, I will stop somewhere off to the side and wait until I do know to start walking around. People hate it when I walk in random directions at slow speeds because I am an idiot that is looking for something I will never find. (probably happiness)

2. I will stop using pepper spray just because someone hurt my feelings.

3. I will wake up every morning and tell myself that I look good and that I am a worthwhile person that is liked by other people.

4. I will stop lying to myself and either make all those things true, or stop telling them to myself.

5. I will start doing illegal drugs.

6. I will stop treating people like they are animals, and instead treat animals like they are people.

7. I will burn everything in my life that causes me pain, no matter what it is or how much it screams.

8. I will make friends with at least one person who can benefit me socially.

9. (If you are single) I will talk to one attractive person of the opposite sex and ask them on a date. If I am a more traditionally minded girl, I will shamelessly flirt with one attractive member of the opposite sex until they ask me on a date.

OR

(If you are in a relationship of some kind) I will break up with my significant other and follow previous instructions.

10. I will think long and hard about next year's New Years Resolutions so that they are not nearly as pathetic.

Special K

Has anyone ever wondered what regular K tastes like? I bet it's really good. Not that we'll ever know, since Kellogg has decided to cover up it's existence and replaced it with something they proclaim to be "special." What I want to know, is what kind of special do they mean? Is it lets-ride-the-short-bus, finger-painting-through-high-school, I-still-poop-myself-at-15 special? Or is it I'm-super-talented, everyone-loves-me, I-have-so-freaking-much-to-offer-the-world special? Either way I think we are being duped into eating a cereal that tastes like crap.

If it's the first kind of special, and I think it is, then what does that mean? Did they name it that because they think people are that stupid for buying it? Is it meant to imply that the ingestor is mentally challenged? I think they should just drop the political correctness and call it retarded K. Lets face it, they do kinda look like the "special" younger brothers of corn flakes. This way there will be no confusion when consuming the product. I mean, how will little Billy feel later in life when he finds out that the cereal he got so excited about to get as a kid because he thought it made him extraordinary was only bought for him because it was ironic and his parents got a huge kick out of it? He will probably feel exactly what he is - retarded. And also sad.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe special K is supposed to make you extraordinary. Well it doesn't work. I know a lot of people who eat it and they aren't so great. They aren't dumb or anything, just regularordinary. I guess that's what happens when you create a magical cereal that makes people special. Everyone becomes so special that special becomes bland, just like the taste of special K. It's a lose-lose-win-tie-lose situation, and nobody can understand what that means. Needfull to say, I'd rather have raisin bran any day of the week. And twice on Sunday.

for more on butterflies, go to www.remindmetohityou.blogspot.com

Guy Humor

The following is an excerpt from The Adventures of Anthony, concerning one of LATE's most intrinsic features: humor.


hu-mor (n.)
1. The quality that makes something laughable or amusing; funniness
2. That which is intended to induce laughter or amusement
3. The ability to perceive, enjoy, or express what is amusing, comical, incongruous, or absurd.

But there is a term used just as frequently that is less definable, yet you know exactly what it means. This being the phrase "guy humor".

Right away you have a vague idea of what this describes. Guy humor is basically known to be crude, dirty, physical in nature, and often at the expense of others. When you think of guy humor you think of burps, farts, the slapstick of The Three Stooges, practical jokes, and painful blows to the groinal region.

So then, I ask you: if this is guy humor ... what is girl humor???


To read the rest, visit The Adventures of Anthony.

Those Crazy Psychopomps

Did you know that many sets of religious beliefs have a particular spirit, deity, demon, or angel whose responsibility is to escort newly-deceased souls to the afterlife? These creatures are called psychopomps, from the Greek word ψυχοπομπóς (psuchopompos), literally meaning the "guide of souls".


Now that you know this, you're probably thinking to yourself, "Gee, I wish there was some sort of short, animated, student film that features a pyschopomp in a humorous situation that will both brighten my day and help me understand the deep mysteries of life." But wait!! There is!! Be sure to check out LATE Entertainment's Dinner With Death! You'll laugh! You'll cry! You're life will never be the same!

http://www.dinnerwithdeath.com

Respect the Beard

Here is the startling, but unquestionable truth:
The quality and/or success of your film is directly proportionate to the size and/or dimension of your beard.

This 100% true and logical hypothesis I present is unmistakably accurate and undeniably compelling. Please, for the sake of LATE and all entertainment out there ... read the truth and believe ... and then ... GROW A BEARD. I'm begging you.

Yes, even you girls.

Check out the evidence ... here.