New Years Resolutions: All Good Ones Take This Long To Think Of

Since I forgot all about the new year until just now, I think it's still appropriate to put some resolutions up. These are not just for me, but for anyone who reads anything on the internet from now to eternity. They are in no particular order. Well, I guess it's fair to say that they are in the order I wrote them, which is the order I thought of them in.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS:

1. I will stop obnoxiously walking nowhere very slowly. If I do not know where I'm going, I will stop somewhere off to the side and wait until I do know to start walking around. People hate it when I walk in random directions at slow speeds because I am an idiot that is looking for something I will never find. (probably happiness)

2. I will stop using pepper spray just because someone hurt my feelings.

3. I will wake up every morning and tell myself that I look good and that I am a worthwhile person that is liked by other people.

4. I will stop lying to myself and either make all those things true, or stop telling them to myself.

5. I will start doing illegal drugs.

6. I will stop treating people like they are animals, and instead treat animals like they are people.

7. I will burn everything in my life that causes me pain, no matter what it is or how much it screams.

8. I will make friends with at least one person who can benefit me socially.

9. (If you are single) I will talk to one attractive person of the opposite sex and ask them on a date. If I am a more traditionally minded girl, I will shamelessly flirt with one attractive member of the opposite sex until they ask me on a date.

OR

(If you are in a relationship of some kind) I will break up with my significant other and follow previous instructions.

10. I will think long and hard about next year's New Years Resolutions so that they are not nearly as pathetic.