Creativity

The funny thing about irony is that it strikes when you least expect it. Like, for instance, if one were to title something "creativity" and then stare at a blank page for several minutes, not thinking of a single thing to write. Another example of irony is if you have a housewife who's husband needs his nice pants washed so she puts them through the laundry then makes sure all the wrinkles are gone so he looks good for his promotion. But what she doesn't know is that he wants to look handsome for his mistress, who is the wife's best friend. That kind of a situation involves both ironing and irony, at the same time. If that really happened though it would be sad.

Gangsta...

It's hard out here for a pimp. At least I imagine it is. I'm not a pimp myself but sometimes I pretend I am and I have to compete against all the other pimps and make sure the cops don't catch me. If it's tough just imagining you're a pimp, I bet the real thing is killer. Sometimes literally.

I'm about to share one of my personal secrets so don't laugh please. Or at least laugh quietly to yourself instead of out loud so that other people run over to the computer to see what's so funny and you have to tell them what I said then they laugh too. Don't do that. My secret dream is to someday run away to the streets of LA and start my own gang. Not in one of those run down neighborhoods where most gangs are. Those neighborhoods are dirty and dangerous. My gang would operate out of a rich, expensive looking park in the middle of a nice neighborhood. We wouldn't be a mean gang either, we would be nice people who often baked for the neighbors. We would also treat women with respect instead of leering at them all the time. We would let people join, but only if they were rich and dressed well. I think I would like a very exclusive gang that caters to people of privilege. I would hire servants to do things for the members of my gang, like get them towels and drinks and clean up after them. There would also be no violence, only lots of relaxing things like pools and golf.

I think what I'm describing may be a country club, but to say I want to be the owner of a country club sounds pretentious and wussy. Calling it "an exclusive gang based on making the rich richer and keeping the poor oppressed in an effort to segregate ourselves from society" sounds just as pretentious, but a lot more fun.

Blogzored!

I've become aware that I'm the only person on Earth who actually posts in this blog. Several people have the ability to, but they just don't. Ever. I guess they have nothing to say. Not like me. I always have something random or stupid to talk about. After all, weren't blogs invented so that people could post random crap on the internet? What other use is there? Maybe it can be used as a personal journal, but I don't think that's a good idea. I cannot stress this enough - the internet is not a good place to post personal thoughts and feelings. Especially if they are personal thoughts and feelings could cause drama if certain people read them. For example, teenage girls.

Teenage girls like to post about boys they like and about all the drama that goes with being a teenage girl. Since boys and drama are the only things that make up a teenage girls' life, their blogs are usually unbearably boring and long. They think that everyone wants to read about their heartache over the boy who they liked for a day before he talked once with their best friend, ending any chance at happiness or relationships between any of the parties involved. Life is pure cruelty. Rather than having a sit-down with their remaining girlfriends, they run home as fast as they can after school to post about it. What ensues is a radical exchange of witless banter that can only be described as "stupid." Schoolmates will hear a rumor at school, then check the blogging circuit ASAP to get the low-down on what the haps is. Then sides start getting taken, more friendships end, and at the end of the day the mother (who is surprisingly internet coherent) who asks the daughter how the situation is going gets yelled at because apparently posting on a blog means that you own that part of the internet and people aren't allowed to read it unless they have express written permission.

Needless to say, teenage girls are really dumb. And despite that fact that they make up a large part of the blogging community, they don't offer anything to that community other than a huge waste of time. Which is slightly less than what they offer to real communities. Because in real communities, they are free labor.